Changes in Relating

Just last night I was laying on the couch, violently ill, and trying to pass time by watching movies. Largely, there was not much on, hooray for Mondays.

I did however, see that The Horse Whisperer was going to come on, so I set the timer and finished whatever I was watching. Much to my disappointment, when the timer switched over, it still hadn't started, so I flipped channels back to finish the last few minutes of my show. Well, a few minutes turned into 30-45minutes or so, and I missed the first part of The Horse Whisperer. I tell you, it's crazy how different a perspective can change. I last watched The Horse Whisperer several years ago, and watching it now, it's insane how perfectly it captures the struggle that goes on after such an extreme life event such as what Grace and Pilgrim face. For anyone who hasn't seen the movie(tis' a shame, it is an awesome movie), it's about a young girl, Grace, (played by Scarlett Johansson), and her horse, Pilgrim, and their incredible journey of healing after a terrible winter riding accident, in which her best friend is killed, leaves Grace with a lower right leg amputation and Pilgrim severely physically and mentally damaged. In a desperate attempt to save her daughter's spirit, her mother, a struggling New York writer, packs both Grace and Pilgrim up and begins a cross country journey to a ranch in Montana in hopes of a miracle at the hands of The Horse Whisperer, Tom Dorsey, (modeled after Buck Brennan). The basis of the rest of the movie is that Grace is pushed past her comfort levels and is encouraged to throw away her dependency and sense of helplessness and both she and Pilgrim, with the help of Tom, his family, and of course the support of her mom (who also undergoes a radical change in attitude and thinking), are able to overcome the obstacles and begin again. It is am amazing story of a remarkable struggle many of the people who have seen the movie cannot even fathom, or comprehend. I found myself at several moments with tears in my eyes because I completely related. I'd been there, I understood how it felt; I'd even said very many of the same words Grace had spoken in the script.

I think the one that hit me the hardest was when Grace finally breaks down to her mother while on the ranch and says "but who's going to want me now? Who's going to want me like...this?" It was as if I was suddenly looking in a mirror, to a scene of my own between my mom and I a few short days after my accident, only we hadn't been fighting, I was simply not coping well with my new reality. However, the words that my mom said to me hit me straight to the core and made me believe in myself again and continue to see myself as beautiful and made me believe that people could see past my injury and see me as who I am.

I sat there and cried for quite some time, because I know that so many people go through this very same thing after such a life altering event, and I cried because of all the people who don't have such strong support on this long and difficult path.

And through everything I've learned along the way, I have to say that, like always, my mom was right, folks most of the time don't even notice, and I did find someone who loves me for who I am and what I've become through everything, and I am so blessed. My how perspective changes.