Some Days

Some days the voices of everyone that's ever told me that I will never achieve my dreams and that a person in my situation should move on and just do something easier and better suited to me just scream so loudly in my ears and play over and over in my mind.

So many doubts about self worth come into play, and it is then that I rely heaviest on the Lord. It just brings a sense of defeat and it's tough to take the next step and looking at all the reasons that I should fail and have been told I will fail is crushing. Even though I have lots of support and love, these negative voices of little-minded people somehow speak louder. Looking at Blue today and looking ahead to all the dreams and plans I have for our future as a family, it just all hit me and I started drowning in my inadequacies. And it was crippling.

So many doubts and old arguments started swirling and warring in my mind and my hopes and dreams seemed so foolishly out of reach and without hope. In this sea of despair, where my hopes and dreams were drowning, tears began to fall down my cheeks as the doubts of whether any of my desires would ever amount to anything was a resounding no, and the devil kept throwing all these reasons I'd never make it, like buckets of water over my head. And my heart was broken.

But through it all, I heard a voice whisper to my heart, "prove them wrong."

And like a life preserver thrown to my drowning soul, the tiny whisper gave me something to grab hold of and pull myself above the waves of doubt.

Prove them wrong... Prove them wrong...

And as I looked up, starting into my eyes was Blue. His soft eyes gentle and deep. With so much work ahead of me in this beautiful soul of his, I began to see how we could both work to prove them all wrong. He's still very much a baby, and has so much to learn, and so many quirks to get worked out, but he's going to be a great horse. I want to be the person that brings that out in him. You can feel the potential radiating from him, and you just know. And there is much doubt in those around me add to whether he was a good pick for me, he's so young and a little over green broke...but God placed him in our lives, and today I saw that maybe God knew that he was exactly what I needed.

We're going to prove them wrong.