God has a Funny Sense of Humor...Just Wish it Wasn't so Literal

I used to always joke that I'd give my left arm to be a veterinarian...now four years later, I wonder how good of a joke that was. lol.

But on a more serious note, even though, my above joke wasn't that funny...never mind, today is always a rough day for me, I do everything in my power to forget about it, stay busy, anything to not think about this day, four years ago, It's been a real struggle for me over the last few years, I've yet to come to terms I suppose, some therapist told me I put off the grief too long and I'll struggle the rest of my life with it, others told me it just takes longer for some...but I don't think it's something you just 'get over' the people who tell you life is easier once you do, don't have to live with it, nor know how to.

Anyway, the point is not to be down on everything, it was to say I have learned to celebrate today. It really is a crazy thing, on how once you change perspective from victimization to blessed, how radically different things can be.

Note, I haven't gotten over it, just changed my way of thinking about myself and the things that have happened then, and since. I just recently was helping my uncle-in-law and his ministry team at the Crow Fair in Hardin, MT where some of the children there gave me a new perspective. One young girl that I helped lead to the Lord (that was an incredible moment), looked me in the eye, after having asked what had happened, and told me that that made me an incredibly beautiful woman and that I should not feel shame or any less beautiful for it, and to never let anyone tell me otherwise, I should be proud of what happened, because she would be. Totally different culture, totally new perspective. I never thought to be proud. Inwardly, I've always felt shame, made excuses, tried to hide from something that I can't. Sheylie might have only been 8, but she is so amazing in her wisdom and logic. It may not make sense to you, but the moment and circumstance of our conversation made a huge impact on me. Heaven is still rejoicing in her salvation though, I'm so glad Kara brought her by.

I had a whole long, empowering thing I was going to write, but after these last few days of house hunting, loan paperwork, and college applications, I'm too tired. lol. So, tonight I'm celebrating the event that changed my life for the better. (Oh! and I started wearing a bracelet again :) )