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I want my life to go back to normal, the pain to go away, and to be treated normal again.

How many times can you fall and get back up again, how do you find the strength to get back up again and give it one more go when laying down in defeat nags at your every ounce of determination and resolve. I'm all but defeated right now. I was doing so good...just not f*ing fair.

Whatever, I do not care. I'm tired of pretending to be okay, tired of being strong, tired of denying the obvious to myself, tired of pretending my life will ever be normal, tired of hoping to ever get over this, tired of the pain, tired of the isolation, tired of the false friendships, tired of the crap, over the stares and other's awkwardness around me.

I've prayed, I've cried, I've cried and prayed, I've hit my knees begging for understanding and some relief, I've bawled my eyes out, I've been lost in grief, I've had regrets, I've hated myself, I've hated others, I can't even count how many times I've prayed for at least tolerance. I've drug myself through hoop after hoop to get back on track. Just to get kicked to the ground again.

Sorry, it IS that bad. I'm over it. My white flag is waving. I give up. Might just stay down this time...I really don't care right now. Just let me be, and let me rant.